Let’s talk about sex. Or rather the lack thereof. I wasn’t sexually satisfied in my last relationship. I spent three plus years having whack sex. You see, I was really determined to settle down back then. So much so that I actually thought that God was testing my Faith to see if I wanted it bad enough. If I could handle the thick and thin of a relationship and not be shallow. In all actuality, my ex definitely wasn’t worth that torture. That will be the extent of my bashing though as I’m the one who decided to stay with him. I overlooked a lot of things that should have caused me to walk away. But I wanted so bad for things to work out, I stayed against my better judgement. Foolish me.
Anyway, it got to the point that we weren’t having sex much at all. I tried to explain to him that my needs weren’t being met. His response- “Just because I cum doesn’t mean I’m satisfied.” Could’ve fooled me with all that ejaculating he was doing, then falling asleep without complaint. Men can be selfish like that though. As you can guess, this relationship eventually reached it’s climax (unlike me) and we parted ways.
I took a break for six months. Then I got the backed up frustration out of my system (Oh don’t act like y’all don’t have a standby or two lol #stopjudging). Then I decided to take a hiatus from men. No Sex. Flings. Netflix & Chill. Dates. I just wanted to take some time for me. I needed to make my relationship with myself a priority as I had lost myself. To remember the things that I loved to do. Work on the goals and dreams that I had put on the back burner. It was time for me to be selfish and focus on my needs. Selfish with my time, and selfish with my goodies.
I was tired of giving myself mentally, physically and spiritually to men that did not deserve me. It’s said that every time we are intimate with someone we form a soul tie. An emotional and spiritual bond to that person. I have enough trouble trying to heal my own soul as is. I don’t need these dude’s baggage weighing me down more. So I decided to be celibate.
That was eighteen months ago. I’ve grown so much in this time. I’ve learned to truly love myself and be happy. Without a man. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be alone and give yourself time to heal and get rid of lingering baggage. You can never truly love someone else if you don’t love yourself, so self love should always be your top priority. When I do decide to be in a relationship again, my relationship with myself will remain my top priority.
This is not the first time I’ve decided to abstain from sex. I’ve gone this route a few times. For me, men can sometimes be a distraction. So I take a break from time to time to reflect and refocus. My longest bout of celibacy was two years. It’s mind over matter. Most of the time I’m so focused on getting myself together that I don’t think about sex. But when it gets tough, trust I know how to handle things myself.
There’s no timeline on my celibacy though. I’m not waiting for marriage as honestly, I’m not 100% sure if marriage is something that I want for myself anymore. That’s not saying that I don’t want companionship. What I don’t want is a meaningless situationship with a f@#k boy. Or to waste anymore years in lackluster relationships.
In the meantime, I’m loving myself and trying to live my best life. I don’t plan to open my cookie jar until I’m good and ready. On my terms. See ladies, we can be selfish too.