I know you guys are used to the beauty reviews, outfit posts and all of that superficial stuff. But I’m going to get a little personal. This is a personal blog ya know lol. I usually don’t like to let people all up in my business but I just wanted to shed a little light in case someone else is going through something similar and needs encouragement. Who would of thought that a break up would make me me happy. Aren’t I supposed to be sad? I will admit that I was for a little while. I went from feeling sad, to angry. And then it dawned on me that I’m actually happy. I haven’t been this happy in years, I mean truly happy.
Honestly, I haven’t truly felt like myself in years. Like I lost myself in that relationship. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t doing a lot of the things that I usually like to do. I wasn’t catering to my own feelings and needs. Trying so hard to make sure that someone else was happy. When all along I wasn’t happy. I was trying my hardest to make a relationship that never seemed quite right from jump work out. You know when the negatives outweigh the positives, but you try to ignore or overlook the negative and focus on the positive to make things look better? I’m rambling I know. But I’m just trying to explain how deep inside my female intuition told me that things weren’t right, but I ignored it. Word to the wise ladies, always follow your mind as sometimes your heart will lead you wrong.
I honestly thought that God was testing me to see if I could handle the thick and thin. The good and the bad of a relationship. So I kept on trying harder and harder to give life to something that had died a long time ago. All while slowly dying inside. I remember one night I cried myself to sleep and I just asked God to give me a sign, then He made things as clear as day. I won’t go into any personal details of the relationship or the breakup as those details are just that, personal… But I’ve noticed that since the split I’ve been doing all of the things that I love to do again and focusing a lot more on MY needs.
Never lose yourself in a relationship. I never want to feel that way again and when I do decide to be in a relationship with someone else, my relationship with myself will remain my top priority.
I’ve wanted to do the big chop for a few years now but my ex wasn’t for it and stupid me didn’t do it to please him. Looking back, this was new behavior for me as I’ve ALWAYS done what I wanted. Never letting a man dictate how I wear my hair, how I dress or what I do. Just another example of losing myself. Do to my diagnosis with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis (you can read more about it in my big chop post) I had decided that I was going to take the plunge and do the big chop this year. I didn’t care what he would think (or anyone else for that matter) as it was something that I needed to do for me. The break up just happened to come before the big chop so I didn’t have to deal with what he thought. How convenient.
“A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life“
The Coco Chanel quote “A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life” couldn’t be more true. The Big Chop actually did change my life. I can’t really explain it. But I feel like a brand new person since chopping off my hair and joining team natural. Combined with the breakup, I’ve never felt more in touch with myself. Like this is where I was supposed to be all along. I’m more confident and comfortable in my skin than I’ve ever been. I can honestly say that I feel like I’ve truly found myself. My true self. And it’s the greatest feeling in the world.